The Monkey

This is dedicated to all the Flying Monkeys out there. Well I was unprepared for that. I have to say I thought better of you. I have to say I was wrong. You showed up at my house pushing Mother’s nasty and hateful agenda and once again I’m left feeling helpless, hopeless and hurt. Do […]

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Unwanted

Today is Mother’s birthday. I’m sitting here at my desk forcing my tears back. Today a coworker has brought her niece into the office. She’s 15 and doesn’t speak any English. Her mother has just been remarried and is pregnant. She has a new family. The mother has sent her to Miami from Mexico to […]

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The Breakdown

I’ve recently gone No Contact with Mother again. She made it almost two years. Impressive. Apparently today is the day she plans to prove to the world that I am the Most Evil by showing a series of text message to my Brother. The Golden Child. The big reveal of hoof and horn. In honor […]

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The Iron

When I was in the fourth or fifth grade, maybe nine years old. We were in your bathroom at the house on Melville. We were sitting at the vanity in the dressing room. The carpet was palest of green and the wallpaper was beautiful. Large florals of pink and green. You were curling my hair. […]

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The Fantasy

Over the course of my childhood I would have a recurring fantasy. The same fantasy every time. My fantasy was that I would walk into the kitchen to the silverware drawer next to our refrigerator. I open the drawer and pull out one of the steak knives with the wooden handles. I stab myself in […]

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The Evaluation

Sometime around the age of six or seven you sent me to a psychiatrist. Her name was Dr. Glass. She watched me. She watched me draw with chalk. She watched me draw with crayons. She watched me perform puppet shows. I sat in her office while she asked me questions I didn’t understand. After weeks […]

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Exhaustion

I have forgotten the total mental exhaustion. After two straight days of attack from Mother, I sit here at work feeling almost incapable of movement. My arms feel weak. My head leans to the right as though my neck is not quite strong enough for the weight. My fingers are tired. My shoulders are tired. […]

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