I’ve recently gone No Contact with Mother again. She made it almost two years. Impressive. Apparently today is the day she plans to prove to the world that I am the Most Evil by showing a series of text message to my Brother. The Golden Child. The big reveal of hoof and horn. In honor of my unmasking by sainted Mother, I’m breaking down the text messages of a true narcissist and my apparent downfall.
In the beginning – Also known as Wednesday:
I’m driving Mother home from her colonoscopy. The day has gone pretty well so far. The sun is out and there hasn’t been any drama. Mother has received a pretty fine ass reaming from her gastroenterologist and I’ll have her home by 10:00 am. My day is shaping up nicely.
And then it happens. Mother believes my brother’s wife Ava is stealing from her.
Here. We. Fucking. Go.
Ava has stolen Mother’s day of the week pill organizer. Which in theory sounds like a pretty big accusation until you find out the pill organizer is empty. No pills. It’s empty. Ava has stolen an empty, dollar store, day of the week pill organizer.
I remain silent. She’ll move on in a moment. It’s just a blip. She fades out and loses her momentum against my silence. Good. Silence has done it’s job. I go about my day.
A few hours later I get a text from Mother:
Mother: Well I get 50 lashes. At least I admit it. Found my pill bottle!! Thought theirs looked new anyway.
AmyLynn: Well at least you found it.
Mother: I know but I need to STOP IT!!
Saturday – also known as two days after Wednesday:
Ava comes over to my house for drinks. We have a bunch of them and we have an embarrassing amount of fun. Mother doesn’t like Ava spending time with me. It makes her angry and it makes her nervous. Jealousy and paranoia mix an amazing cocktail and it’s called Subterfuge. Belly up to the bar and let’s take a shot.
While we’re off blindly having fun, Mother is on the move. A surprise attack.
Mother finds my Brother (also known as Ava’s husband). Mother has a few concerns and she needs to talk about them. Ava may be stealing from her. There is a pill bottle missing and it was spotted on Brother’s kitchen table. Also Son, you’re wife is a shitty wife. I’ve heard you argue with her. She doesn’t keep the house neat enough for you. SHE DOESN’T PAIR YOUR SOCKS. Son, this life must be horrible for you and if you want out, it’s OK, Mother understands.
Bat. Shit. Crazy. It makes me think of Mother by Pink Floyd:
Hush now baby, baby, don’t you cry.
Mama’s gonna make all your nightmares come true.
Mama’s gonna put all her fears into you.
Mama’s gonna keep you right here under her wing.
She won’t let you fly, but she might let you sing.
Mama’s gonna keep baby cozy and warm.
Ooh baby, ooh baby, ooh baby,
Of course mama’s gonna help build the wall.
Sunday – the Official day of Mother’s Lord and Savior:
Ava calls: Mother’s been busy while I was away. I’m a bad wife. I steal and I DON’T PAIR SOCKS. I say, wait a minute Ava, I know all about this. I have proof. She did think you took her day of the week pill organizer, but then she found it. And she found it on Wednesday. No worries, I’ll send you and Brother a screenshot of the time stamped text message. Hey man, I’m really sorry that bitch is so crazy.
Monday – Oh holy shit – Monday:
It starts of like any other Monday. Shitty. Time to go back to work.
Here. We. Fucking. Go.
9:40 am:
Mother: I just got chewed out by Brother and Ava. Guess I can’t tell you my concerns. I wish I could move away.
AmyLynn: I have nothing to do with whatever it is you said to Brother on Saturday. I told them you found the pill bottle and I don’t know much more than that. Whatever it is you said to Brother has nothing to do with me and is not my problem.
Mother: About not believing Ava did the patio stuff in the spring. I know it is my fault but I also know not to confide in you anymore. Don’t worry it is not your problem.
(Previously Ava had been accused of lying about a small gardening business she had started in the neighborhood)
AmyLynn: Take responsibility for your actions. I’ve also been accused of many things I’ve never done and lied about by you. You aren’t innocent and you aren’t trustworthy. Do not blame your problems on me. I will not put up with the drama. You need to tread very lightly and be very careful of burning your bridges.
Mother: I would like to know what they were. Trustworthy? I know I am not perfect. I never lied intentionally about you. I would like to know how. I know that I love you with all my heart and never try to hurt you in any way.
AmyLynn: Seriously? For example, just off the top of my head, I was accused of stealing your Precious Moments dolls. You lied about the champagne glasses and my dad. Shall I keep going?
(She really did! For two years she accused me of throwing away her Precious Moments doll collection because I didn’t like them. She later found them in a box in her shed. She lied about some dumb ass champagne glasses when she didn’t want me to use my Husband’s grandmother’s flutes at our wedding. Worst of all, she told me for over twenty years that my dad was a fraud and a liar. He was lying about his military service and fighting overseas. Despite the fact that I have actual photographs and newspaper clippings. It’s okay to laugh. It’s really too fucked up for words.)
Mother: What I said was the truth as I Knew it. I never knew he went to Vietnam. When I asked him about it he said they went to Guam and somewhere else and not a shot fired. I wish I could sit down and talk about all of these things so you won’t be so bitter with me. Sorry about the stupid Precious Moments. Champagne? I have never lied about your dad on purpose. He was my husband and your father and I was hurt but cared for him. There was always a spot in my heart for him.
I knew you always loved him more than me. Not sure you love me at all. But know I will always love you no matter what.
(Seriously. What. The. Fuck.)
(Every single bit of that is untrue. She is so full of shit. I do believe that she is such a compulsive liar that she is able to convince herself that her lies are reality. However, as with all compulsive liars, she can’t keep the story straight and the narrative always changes just a bit. )
AmyLynn: Every single word of this is bullshit. You should have never told me that my dad was lying. The only person that hurts was me. You admitted you lied about the champagne glasses. I am not bitter, you asked for examples and I gave them to you. It’s hard not to be angry when you are obviously up to your old games. And you’ve been accusing me of that since I was a child. I am done here. You will always be the victim.
(Get ready for whiplash because here comes the begging.)
Mother: I am so sorry Amy. Please don’t think that way. I was so happy that you came around again.I don’t want to lose you.
I have hurt you. I am so sorry. I don’t play games. I’m too stupid to know how. I am sorry.
Later that afternoon she sends me a series of butterfly photos:
Mother: Please forgive me. Miscommunication. I am so sorry. Should not text you at work. I know you don’t forgive easy. I love you.
(Miscommunication? Are you crazy??? I don’t forgive easy? Lady, I’ve been forgiving you every fucking day of my life!)
Tuesday Morning, 8:34 am
I’m not done yet. She still has a chance with me. I just need to lay down some rules and set some boundaries first, so I tell her this:
AmyLynn: OK- You are going to set boundaries with Brother and Ava. IT is not appropriate for you to interfere in their marriage. Your opinion of it doesn’t matter and what happens inside their home is nobody’s business but theirs. Husband’s response to all of this was “damn that lady is evil”. A major line has been crossed. It is inappropriate for you to come after me (or any of us) when you don’t get your way. You were angry yesterday because you got busted. That is nobody’s fault but yours. Inside of the boundaries you are going to set for yourself is you are no longer going to show up at their house unannounced with demands. To put it into perspective, imagine how pissed off I would be if Mother-in-Law and Father-in-Law moved into the house next door and they just showed up whenever they felt like it with demands of – get over here and get this done for me. Brother and Ava deserve an amount of privacy you are not giving them. It is inappropriate for you to keep Brother stuck in the middle between his mother and his wife. His marriage comes first above anything else and you will start showing respect for that no matter what your opinions are. The unholy fits of “what about me” are going to stop. It alienates everyone around you. This is your starting point. Make a promise to yourself and hold yourself to it. You owe them both a sincere apology. They have every right to be angry.
Well boy, let me tell you, that sent her down the fucking rabbit hole.
Mother 8:53 am: We three did that yesterday. I told them that I am sorry, promise not to interfere with them, I am not happy with what happened and totally accept responsibility. I do not go over there everyday, usually I text to see if it is OK. I have overreacted to some things she has said or done. I am not blaming her for my actions. I do honestly love her. She has done so much for me. Sometimes it is days that we don’t see each other. You don’t know everything but my actions were totally out of line.
Sounds good right? Hang on. She’s about to flip.
Mother 8:56 am: I do not demand for them to do for me. I have hired a handyman when I need something done.
Mother 1:35 pm: The only one Brother has done anything for is Step-Mother. The only thing I asked was to tighten the door handle in the den when he had time. I said no pressure to do it right away. I do NOT march over uninvited and demand stuff. Wherever you got your info was not true. The Plumber just came over to do some repairs for me. I did not ask Brother. I know how hard he works. The flutes I had looked at but wanted you to pick them out. The big lie was a desperate mother trying to do something for her daughter’s wedding. If that was a crime then so be it. Love you.
(This is categorically untrue. after our dad died, Brother helped Step-Mother out with a few things around the house. But Mother is in constant demand for his time and attention. And if she doesn’t get it when she wants it you better watch out. Mother has created a persona of complete helplessness in order to manipulate those around her. It has gone so far that it has actually made her helpless. But no matter how much you do for her, it will not have been done right and it will never be good enough. Like a fucking parasite.)
Mother 2:06 pm: Sorry but he put in a new kitchen light over the sink but he waited until he had time. Sure as heck don’t want to leave anything out!!
Mother 4:33 pm: I was accused of marching in and demanding if the car part that was ordered was in yet. I did go over and ask. Only ask. Then Brother comes over and was told that I marched in and demanded to know. I was floored. O did not do that! Why say that? I have not gone over without text or if they are outside since January. Sometimes a week may go by but Brother will call and ask if I am alright. If you know me at all you know I would not demand. Remember the person that you were so upset with before your shower. Father-in-Law gave you a book to read. I was wrong to do what I did but you should be careful. It’s comes and goes. Never know.
(After two straight days I am at the end of my rope.)
AmyLynn 4:37 pm: Father-in-Law gave me that book to read because of you. You are insane. I can’t help you. Leave me alone.
Mother 5:16 pm: OK. I will.
For two days I have now been in a constant state of severe anxiety. For two days I have been completely incapable of doing my job.
Sunday – Father’s Day – 10:45 am
Mother: Thinking of you today.
AmyLynn: Which time are you thinking about? The time you accused him of molesting me? Or the time you accused him of never actually being in the military?
Phone number blocked and done. I am done for good. She will never do this to me again.
The Damage You Leave Behind 